Humanity to resit the year 2019 after failing to get a passing grade

All of humanity has failed to get a passing grade in its 2019th year AD (Additional Degree). This unfortunately means we will have to resit the year again and this time they’ll be exams.

Having had a rough year with concentration camps in China, Yemen being completely destroyed and the tories set to be re-elected in the UK, the deity board has decided we have to have another go.

In the statement letter sent to Greta Thunberg it was quoted that:

“We, the almighties, have never seen such a colossal fuck up in our entire history and we’ve built tonnes of universes. Honestly, you leave for only a few thousand years and look what happens. I’ll be honest we left one of the kids down here thinking, ‘It’s an easy planet, good starter world but apparently YOU FUCKING KILLED HIM! What’s all that about? Now I have to get the fucking kiln out again.

Anyway, you’ve failed”.

In a break down of our module scores it’s clear where we passed and what has let us down.

• Keeping the Peace (40 credits) – 12% FAILED

• Protecting all Earth’s Creatures (20 credits)

⁃ PASSED module ‘Raising awareness’ 67%

⁃ FAILED module ‘Actually doing something about it’ 23%

• Charitable Behaviour (20 credits) – 47% SCRAPED A PASS.

• Raising GDP (0 credits) – “Who cares, there’s no money in Heaven anyway” – God.

Extra curricular for additional points:

⁃ You shall have no other gods before Me – 0%

⁃ You shall make no idols – 0%

⁃ You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain – -15%

⁃ Keep the Sabbath day holy – 0%

⁃ Honor your father and your mother – 0%

⁃ You shall not murder – 0%

⁃ You shall not commit adultery -0%

⁃ You shall not steal – 0%

⁃ You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour – 0%

⁃ You shall not covet – 79%, just kidding 0%

2019B is set to take affect on January 1st. Everyone has to do exactly the same thing on New Years Eve that they did last year.

For everyone who is arguing we should appeal this, the UN tried a big group prayer but apparently it was to noisy fo the Gods so we are back to square one.

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