Google’s parent company Alphabet has made a decision to close Google+ after a hack releases the data of nearly all 14 of their users.
Trying to speak to the panicking head of Alphabet, Larry Page, was an ordeal. He just kept repeating “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog”. Apparently it’s one of their ‘calming exercises’.
The hack comes weeks after Facebook once again confirmed a data breach, with an unknown number of user’s data leaked. Alphabet refused to confirm the exact number of their breach; apparently ‘they know, it’s just super embarrassing and all the other social media will make fun of us again’.
We tried to gauge Mark Zuckerberg’s reaction to the Google+ news but he honestly had no idea what we were talking about. We showed him it and everything. He thought it was like Google for fat people.
The move means that their only employee, part-timer Ben, will just have to do some other work instead.
Google+ launched in 2010 as a competitor to other social media. This failed quite spectacularly.
Nobody who has Google+ wants to talk to us about how they’re feeling, but using a supercomputer, we have built an algorithm to speculate what one may say, “Oh no, my circles! They’ve all been hacked, now a bunch of people have my details! I guess it’s okay though, as they just got a way more comprehensive set of data from my Facebook hack!”.
