The vaccine passport initiative has been announced by the Government to both great relief and anger.
Many people feared that vaccine passports would be required to enter shops or pubs. Luckily, this has confirmed not to be true by the health authorities today.
Vaccine passports will only be required if you are going to move between rooms within your own home. Every citizen will have devices installed on the frames of every door which will subsequently scan them every time they move from room to room.
There will be some exceptions to this new policy. For example, if you live alone, you will only need one device at your front door for any visitors you might have over. Say if you were to ‘get lucky on a night out’ as Sir Patrick Vallance put it in today’s statement.
Other exceptions include, if you are with a child who does not yet qualify for a vaccine or if you are able to donate to the Prime Minister’s flat refurbishment project, you can be exempt.
The company, SecureBritain, which is set to build and install these devices is a trustworthy and honest company run by two Conservative party donors who can be trusted to get the job done for Britain. SecureBritain has been given a £350 million contract to ensure the project is completed in time and the devices are fitted into every home by June 21st. The company will be aided by the armed forces to ensure completion on time.
The Government has also confirmed there will be a chance to opt out of this new policy.
Boris Johnson said today that any persons or household who do not wish to take part in the new initiative should mark their front door with an ‘X’ and the army will not enter your home to install the devices. The ‘X’ can be made with anything, so long as it is discernible – but they recommend duct tape.
We have asked Matt Hancock for a comment on these new developments but so far nothing. We must be too far down in his Whatsapp contact list.
More on this story as it develops (antibodies).
