Later today Javid, Hunt, Gove and Boris, or as their known to their partners; Conquest, War, Famine and Death. Will fight it out in the 3rd conservative secret ballot.
3rd? Yes that’s correct 3rd, apparently 1 wasn’t enough to disqualify all of them.
These 4 rambunctious candidates have sailed through the televised debates and the drug round, to find themselves extremely close to leading a party nobody likes, to do a job that everybody’s angry about.
3 of the candidates are tussling it out to make sure that have that all so precious second spot so they can be closest to Boris when he wins. Gove said earlier today, “If Boris wins and I’m up their with him, maybe he should prep for a more literal knife in the back this time”.
Speaking to the families of the candidates we found out whether think these men are ready to take the nations highest office:
Mrs Javid: “He really is a lovely bloke, we met after he woke me up at 4am because he was smashing down my neighbours door and deporting him, he did it so fast as well, it was very impressive. I think that’s why they call it windrush”.
Mrs Hunt: “请帮帮我，我被困多日，他认为我是日本人”.
Mrs Gove: “Precious, my precious……”.
(Ex) Mrs Johnson: God no, he can’t even visit his own children and if he can’t do that how can he look after an entire nation he’s not blood related too. Saying that their are some towns where it’s 95% his descendants, where there’s been a Tory party conference really”.
