Boris Johnson has confirmed that Royal Navy ships will stay on patrol around Jersey, until he is absolutely sure he has milked every vote he can out of the warmongering move.
The boats, originally sent to decimate Jersey with a volley of surface-to-ground missiles, have now been instructed to defend it from the French.
A spokesperson for 10 Downing Street confirmed earlier today that when initially told about the dispute around Jersey’s fishing waters, Johnson’s first response was, “wipe them all out. Who cares? Bomb it all to rubble”.
That was until somebody pointed out it was Election Day and defending it could work to his advantage.
Luckily for the people of Jersey, they keep their lives today. Well, until at least 22:00hrs, then it might be a bit more of a dicey situation.
If you live in Jersey and have information on the evolving situation please don’t contact us, we don’t want to hear it.
