Oh dear! Everyone who has been in a coma has woken up and they are pissed.
Due to the current planetary outlook, comas are one of the most sought after holidays around the world.
Being placed into a ‘cryo-sleep coma’ is becoming all the rage for rich and ultra-rich alike. Anything to ‘get out of this hellhole’.
That is the slogan for a new private medical company, Extortion, who have become one of the most well-known organisations for placing people into medically induced comas. Once you pay the small fee of $150,000 they help you ‘fall into a peaceful sleep until we’ve really sorted Earth’s problems out’.
So…never.
Now everyone’s woken back up and it is not the world that was promised.
“Honestly”, said one coma patient. “This is an absolute shit show. Can you medically induce me back into a coma please? I was reliving the entire Lord of the Rings collection with me as Frodo and now I have to be awake and deal with all this!”
Lucy, 26, who had woken up from her coma gave us this statement, “I went to sleep last year during the Australian wildfires because that alone had got me down enough for a coma. I thought I couldn’t possibly come out at a worse place but this is quite frankly unacceptable. I had like a sliver of faith in the human race and boom now it’s gone. Cheers for that. Now I have to go back and live with my mum and dad and that’s like totally unfair”.
Nobody is quite sure why everyone in a coma has woken up simultaneously but some say it is a bitter employee who couldn’t face that other people were escaping this madness.
Either way, they are awake now and we have only got up to June 2020 in terms of timeline covering so if anyone wants to volunteer to come here and cover the US election and Indian farmer protests please feel free. Please.
