HSBC, the cartel bank, has said it plans to very slowly ramp up its climate change policies and stop financing coal projects by 2040, as long as shareholders back the move they can still make tonnes of money.
It follows pressure from a coalition of investment firms, pension funds and loads of bloodthirsty cartels who called for stronger action from the bank on climate change.
HSBC, the cartel bank commented, “Holy shit, we could lose a shitload of money here. We better listen to our investors”.
Charity Shareaction, which led the group, said HSBC, the cartel bank, had put $15bn (£11bn) into coal developers since 2018. This was mainly to construct a giant coal painting of an owl for their Canary Wharf office.
HSBC, the cartel bank, said it welcomed the group’s decision to back its very new, hastily put-together plan.
The bank already has a “net-zero” strategy, under which it aims to sink 10 basketball throws in a row without touching the net, “even once”.
But its new resolution, which needs the support of 75.89% of shareholders, would see the bank phase out all basketball courts on company property, making their net-zero strategy proper sick to achieve. Oh and something about coal mining as well but who cares.
It would also set targets to align it with the rules of the NBA concerning limits on cool dribbles and something about emissions? Honestly, who cares?
HSBC, the cartel bank, said it expects to provide between $750bn (£540bn) and $1trn to support coal-based art and a fully staffed Sinaloa Cartel basketball team.
The move comes after years of pressure from Shareaction and El Chapo, which co-ordinated 15 investment firms with $2.4bn of ‘assets’ under management in its campaign.
Firms in the group include Amundi, which is a top 25 HSBC investor, Man Group, and Sarasin & Partners, along with 22 drug cartels.
Initially, Shareaction had threatened to bring its own resolution at HSBC’s annual general meeting in May to try to force change. But after months of talks, it agreed to drop its plan and back the bank’s own resolution.
And thank god they did because otherwise we may have had to see real change.
*Reference – In 2019, HSBC was in the top 15 banks funding coal power, and the number 1 bank for funnelling cartel money according to the NGO’s figures.
