The queen has today addressed parliament to lay out the government’s agenda for the coming year.
Here are the top 5 things you might have missed, either because she whispered them, or because you had literally anything better to do.
1. She would like the number of people in prison to be reduced, exclaiming: “Free all the mandem! Free Tizz, free L2, free Mixman, free Palestine. Free Andrew (from his demons). Free all the Opps as well. Big up the BPW1 gang (Buckingham Palace 1 gang)”.
2. She is delighted to add a 4th Royal yacht to her collection and she will be the “Belle of the ball” at the annual Royal Yacht Gala for the world’s royal families.
3. In honour of Count Binface, not only Croissants but ALL pastries will be made £1 in a new initiative being called ‘breakfast’.
4. The beast roaming the Lincolnshire Wolds will be destroyed! Finally! The Queen confirmed that the HMS Queen Elizabeth has been dispatched with the full armada in tow. This comes after 1297 people have gone missing in recent days. She confirmed, “There’ll barely be anything left on Lincolnshire by the time we are done, let alone the abominable creature”.
6. The number 5 will be rearranged in the order of numbers with 6. This decision is final and will only be in effect in England on Tuesday mornings.
