A trade deal with clean Air’s smaller shareholder, Oxygen, has fallen through for the final time. The UN had hoped to get the contract for the next 200 years but it’s clear from negotiations that this was never in the air.
Instead, the contract will only renew for the next 50 years on Earth before the Oxygen has decided it will move on. Where the Oxygen will go is as of yet undecided, but it has apparently had some very interesting offers from both Mars and Gliese-581g, in the Libra constellation.
Oxygen’s spokesperson, Lung Pressure, assured us that Oxygen will see out their full contract with Earth but he “couldn’t see much of a future on Earth, quite literally because when the Oxygen leaves the air you’ll all be dead ah ahhahahaha”.
There are innumerable reasons for this, Mr pressure has said. “First and foremost, it’s the Sugar Tax. I mean, what were you thinking? Then there’s the plastic waste and Trump. Honestly, the list just goes on and on. Oxygen just feels that there’s no room left to breathe anymore on Earth”.
The fact the contract has fallen through means this could very well be the end of Earth, in an era some are calling ‘Airmageddon’.
There have been attempts to see if any other interested parties would like to take over Oxygens’ share of Earth’s contract. The major shareholder, Nitrogen, with 78%, has indicated they might like to take a small share of Oxygen’s percentage, but is not interested in filling the whole thing. There has also been a substantial offer from Carbon Dioxide, but this was quickly turned down. All other shareholders already hold a perfect amount according to their spokespeople and all scientists.
President Trump has assured the people of America that he will be able to contain and save their air with Oxygen. None of that dirty Mexican Air though. Now that Trump has declared his undivided attention on this issue, you can safely kiss your loved ones goodbye.
