A Conservative party spokesperson today denied the allegation that sending Michael Gove to the finish line was an attempt to force Lewis Pugh into admitting that, in fact, being in the sea was better than being on land.
When we spoke to Mr Pugh later on in the day he had this to say, “I thought swimming was an endurance task but then I had to talk to Mr Gove for about two minutes, at which moment I wished that ship had hit me”.
We reached out to Mr Gove’s office to see what effect Lewis Pugh’s marathon effort has had upon current environmental policy but were sent back this out of office reply, “What’s the environment? Do you know? Because we don’t, please help us by replying to this email with your suggestions”.
The Bulls Nose managed to interview some of the locals whilst there to hear what their thoughts on the matter were:
Phil Cliff, 47, “I’m not saying it’s not impressive like but I think someone’s lying because the channel is only 20 miles not 330 so there’s someone fiddling the books ‘ere”.
Julie Fflic, 95, “I’ve lived here all my life and the ocean’s always been there, blue as ever it is, don’t know what everybody’s moaning about. In my day we used to swim there and back just for breakfast we did. Stopped that now of course, bloody cheese eating surrender monkeys and their face covering ban. If I wanna wear a gas mask while I eat croissants I have every right to do so.”
Jon Honey, 6, had this to say, “Fishes are wet”.
Luke Owl, 24, “We have major issues with our dumping rubbish at sea, mass consumption on this planet is going to drive up temperatures and destroy sea li…… blah blah blah blah”. (Typical millennial crap, our reporter just stopped writing, I mean who does this Luke think he is).
