Prime Minister Boris Johnson, often described as a vacuous power-hungry entity much like a Dyson hoover, has been shockingly caught up in the 41st Tory corruption scandal of the week.
It has been revealed today that the Prime Minister has been caught texting his boyfriend, oh my gosh it’s like so totally romantic.
And by boyfriend we mean billionaire James Dyson, and by texting we mean offering tax changes that breaks ministerial code and the coveted Nolan’s ‘7 principals of public life’.
The ventilators, originally thought to be for hospital use, were all built to try to keep the Tory party on life support. The machines worked magnificently – in later months even becoming sentient and what we now colloquially call ‘Keir Starmer’.
Many other companies are angry that this type of deal was given to Dyson when they weren’t even the company that ended up supplying ventilators. Henry Hoover is said to be devastated, they painted so many pictures of ‘proper good’ ventilators and no one even gave them a small tax break.
This latest scandal allows us to announce our long awaited gameshow, coming to a screen near you:
Official Tory policy or a Whatsapp message?
In which, contestants have to decipher whether the statement given is from the Conservative manifesto or from a private Whatsapp message to a cabinet member.
