Today Pope Francis has announced that the stories from the bible are actually more like fairytales. The truth about Jesus and his chronicles is basically the plot to Pirates of the Caribbean 3.
This has sparked outrage amongst Christians and Pirates alike.
Upon further questioning the Pope revealed that after the whole “kid abuse, sex scandal thing” the church was running a little low on the Ol’ dosh. So he had to take drastic measures to save Catholicism. This included, but was not limited to; Selling himself on the street, texting Bongo Knows, and selling the actual life story rights of Jesus Christ.
The Pope, seemingly very drunk, sobbed for a while before angry mops from the movie Fantasia arrived and started to drag him away. Then some fucking mouse called Micky came out and declared himself the new Supreme leader.
(The next half of this article is subject to the discretion of Disney Inc 2018 TM).
How good is Disney right?!?
The old Pope, he was stuffy and paedophile-fashioned. The way to strive forward in this consumer market is to BUY DISNEY PRODUCTS!
DISNEY IS THE ART, DISNEY ARE THE GUARDS, PRINCESSES ARE THE PRODUCT PUSHED UPON YOUR SPAWN.
The first New Decree:
‘All Christ media will be altered to more appropriate, child-friendly gifts (toys)’.
An announcement from new Pope Mouse: “squeak, how dare the old religions try to get in our way – they will rue the day that they tried to step above Disney incorporated (except maybe the femur). Corporations rule now, creating the world in 7 days is nothing compared to the might of a 20 films-and-10-year-long franchise, squeak”.
Do you feel bad about major world religions being taken over and now composing evil corporations??
Email here with your thoughts at: TotallynotWarnerBrothersdearGodwearesofarbehind@hogwartsmail.com
