“Believe me, we are just as surprised as you are” – Transport Secretary Chris Grayling.
Controversial rail project High Speed 2 has been completed as a surprise early Christmas present for Britain, twelve christmases early.
This has quietened the haters, who quite frankly can sod off now.
The project comes to completion many years under the predicted finish date and 30 billion quid under budget. A fantastic moment for Britain, and trainspotters everywhere.
Theresa May had this to say after the reveal, “High Speed 2 will go through a load of places no one has heard of or cares about and which will eventually run dry because of a lack of development. Who cares, nobody wants to be there anyway. ‘Blah blah blah, my house prices wahhh’, aren’t the poor disgusting. Major cities are where it’s at, plus there’s a big divide between the north and the south. We are hoping that by completing this project the northerners will finally forget about that little thing from the 80s with the mines or something. This will bring prosperity to London really more than anywhere else, but honestly I couldn’t give a damn. I’m just tired of being attacked all the time. I just wanted to be Margret Thatcher that’s all”.
After that surprising statement that railroaded us we have all gone back to discussing Brexit. Who cares if we have a new train track to play with if we don’t have any Eastern Europeans to drive the trains for us, because we simply won’t do it. We took a poll round the offices here and none of us knew how to drive a train.
What a waste of money.
