Breaking News: Jesus is back and he’s not happy!

Today for the first time in 2000ish years Jesus Christ has returned to God’s green earth and it’s bad news, we’ve fucked it.

Jesus spoke with TMZ In his first interview back on Earth.

“I’ve only been gone 10 deity minutes what in the almighty lord have you done?!? This is not how I left it. Please explain to me what’s happening, why is a fart in charge?”

“It’s the historical inaccuracies that get me, I mean Christianity was so far off the mark it’s embarrassing.”

“Wait till Muhammad PBUH & Ganesh hear about this.”

Jesus or Big J as he wanted to be called has come back to take charge, he says he was supposed to come back and save the righteous but turns out we are all sinners. In fact he said taking us back to Heaven would be like a cat bringing a fully grown badger home. As in God would be like, why?

And according to his new decrees there’s gonna be some changes around here.

We got this from his Snapchat: JChristAD

1. “No more staying up past midnight; that’s the source of all evil.
2. Only Follow4Follow on Instagram none of this unfollow crap.
3. All prayers must be written on parchment, or preferably velum.
4. Religion is cancelled on Sundays.
5. Just be nicer and love people okay it’s not hard.”

Jesus Christ x.

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