Chris Grayling’s top secret ideas to take on the EU

* Fly Drones over Gatwick/Heathrow to show our airports are unreliable. ✔

* Make French people stand on the Eurostar.

* Fake a traffic jam to dover to show something about a no deal Brexit (make up reason later for press). ✔

* Collapse multiple rail franchises under your guidance; as well as completely desomate the South West Trains rail service ensuring the EU know exactly where we stand. ✔

* Change the side of the road we drive on just to confuse those pesky Europeans.

* Increase cycle paths to get more cyclists on the road so cars can hit more, showing the EU we don’t mess around with our travel after Brexit.

* Give ferry contract to company with no ferries. ✔

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