A big retail outfit has today revealed that to cut down on costs they will now pay at least half of staff salaries with moral boosting phrases such as ‘good dog’ and ‘who’d like a treat’.
We talked to some of the staff coming out the back entrance;
Anonymous staff #1: “Look I need that money to live, I barely scrape by on what they pay me as is. It’s a joke that they think recognition awards would make us forget half of our pays is going. I can’t just go somewhere else as well I’ve never had enough to be able to save and support my kids as well. Oh well, at least they bring in a box of Celebrations on every second Friday now. Not a tub mind you, just one of the normal packs”.
Anonymous staff #2: “They’re having a ruddy laugh. I know we as retail assistants are below them, as god intended, but come on. If we die of starvation who will they spit on then??”.
Anonymous staff #3: “Actually, I quite like the fact that they’ve reduced my pay, it keeps me motivated. Working is a young person’s game. Let the older cashiers die. I’d love to work on tills man, anything but women’s knickers again”.
We reached out over the phone to the store for comment but the answer machine was just a group of people laughing hysterically.
Looking at the other side of the coin though, as real news does, we can see that this will mean that the company will stay active longer as a high street brand. They only made £750 million in profit last year, that’s basically the brink of collapse.
Wait…
£750 million?? That’s an inordinate amount of money. They could do so much with that money, like pay all their staff a living wage or make sure that suitable working conditions are imposed on their factories so people in 3rd world countries don’t die!
Just a thought.
