A test event to see whether we can return to the clubs safely has been underway at a warehouse in Liverpool.
Although too soon to know if it will affect the general population, we will be able to start to monitor the types of levels we can expect when clubs open all over the UK.
We spoke with the event coordinator, Dave Kingston, on the success of the night so far, “To be honest we aren’t that surprised, when you get so many Liverpudlians in one place there’s bound to be a lot of shagging”.
Did you expect so many casualties tonight?
“We did provide condoms on the door in return for the negative test but someone must have slipped through the net because it’s spreading like wildfire. Security is having a hell of a job with crowd control”.
Do we think that this is a success?
“Well, we won’t know the full extent until people start booking in GP appointments in the coming weeks but we are expecting at least 11.8 babies per 1000 ravers, alongside the Chlamydia spike”.
