Professional Liar Boris Johnson will himself decide whether he broke any rules relating to the refurb of his flat, Number 10 has decided.
Downing Street announced this morning Lord Corruption, of the Cabinet Corruption family, as the newly appointed “independent advisor” on “ministerial standards” and would “lead an investigation” into the funding of the reportedly lavish makeover.
“But honestly”, said Lord Corruption, “who would spend anything less than 70k on a refurb? The PM is a man of the people.”
The Prime Minister’s spokesman confirmed Mr Johnson will remain the “ultimate judge, jury and execushioner” of whether he broke the ministerial code.
And he won’t recuse himself, even though he is the target of the investigation fully did everything that has been said.
He added that the findings of the independent advisor would be published “in the normal way, as you’d expect. At 1 AM on a Sunday, as if it were a report on racism”.
When asked if Mr Johnson would recuse himself, he said: “Are you joking!? Due to a technicality he can walk free, he isn’t going to hand himself in. In fact, I am pretty sure he is on the phone to the decorator again right now… Judith grab his phone…”
