Piers Morgan has accidentally been put on the honours list in a mistake that Theresa May has likened to ‘leaving the European Union’.
Aide to the Prime Minister Chuck Adi, the person who has caused this national upset, has explained his actions from the Royal London Hospital where he is recovering from what doctors have said is the worst case of ‘oh fuck’ they’ve ever seen.
“I was just writing down the names on two lists, one for knighting and the other for assassination and I just wasn’t paying enough attention I’m so sorry. I got confused because Jeremy Clarkson’s name was on both, it was such a rushed time. Granted I shouldn’t have been writing all this down during my train transfer at Waterloo but you know southwest trains, I thought I had more time since when did they start arriving on time!”
At this point he broke down to past a comprehendible level so we left him crying, idiot.
Apparently once the name is down as well it cannot be removed, believe me we’ve been trying.
We’ve been on the streets to see what you think but they’re just empty, it’s like the end of days.
An anonymous source from the royal palace has informed us that the Queen’s death has been brought forward 6 years so she won’t have to take part in the ceremony.
