While in hospital doctors have uncovered that Prince Philip was in fact patient zero for super gonorrhoea.
Originally thought to have come from the magnificent city of Leeds, it has now been theorised that the strain came about when Prince Philip was on a stag do with the boys for William’s wedding.
The royal stag do did the infamous Otley Run, completed in record time may we add, where Prince Philip claimed to have ‘shagged one in every pub’.
Someone who was there at the time disputes this saying, “I was in every pub with Philip and he barely had the stamina to flirt with a girl, let alone shag someone. At one point I saw him crying in the toilets saying he missed Diana”. That is from our secret source, Worcestershire.
Now in the cold light of an STI test he has realised he misunderstood the aim to ‘have one in every pub’ and thought of it as sexual in nature rather than referring to beverages. This is despite Prince Harry revealing he told his grandfather multiple times that it is a stag do and not a ‘shag do’
Prince Andrew was the only royal not to complete the pub crawl, he stopped around 11 as he said it was the perfect number. He was later seen terrifying families at the local Pizza Express.
On further inspection, hospital staff also found Nazi treasure stuffed into Prince Philip’s pockets, it must be the vast amounts of wealth that the queen was so determined to keep schtum on.
