‘Trees should grow faster’ and other Tory policy ideas to sort out the climate emergency

Today the Conservative party has released their five pledges to help Britain save planet Earth.

With the end of the Earth on the horizon, not just for flat earthers but for us all, the government has stepped up their environmental pledges to match the nature of the climate emergency.

In less than eight years we will use up our remaining carbon budget and face a tipping point, beyond which only the richest are allowed to survive.

How to stop the climate thingy by the Conservatives:

1. Create a wetland barrier to stop London flooding, which will submerge Kent
2. Teams to strip all plastic off food goods effective immediately, then we eat the plastic
3. Increase the fox population so they can eat rubbish and we can hunt them without backlash
4. Trees will have to grow faster than their current rate
5. Only burn coal on the weekdays

Now that ought to do it. We only hope other countries can follow suit and pledge the same.

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