It’s been 44 years since pet rocks were first bred for human companionship, the once favoured pet has been found laying forgotten on the coastlines of many countries.
The shocking discovery was made by Pet Rock creator Gary Dahl, who was hiking in the mountainous foothills of southern Cornwall’s beaches, he reportedly dropped to his knees and screamed “My babies, my babies what have they done to you!”.
Gary Dahl had a rocky relationship with the media, in 1980 he allegedly spent the money he’d earned selling Pet Rocks to build a $1.6 million mansion made primarily from stone. At the time it was the biggest scandal since edible paper was made by xerox in ‘69.
Dwayne Cai Lun DanCin, the man largely credited with bringing the Pet Rock empire to an end, sat down with us. “Gary was an interesting character, he cared deeply for Rocks that was clear but his decision to discard other geological minerals was disturbing, it was clear his racism was set in stone.”
“It’s important to understand it was a different time, people had an affinity with nature, we weren’t the brutal creatures that we’ve become. I even saw someone construct a building that had more than one storey the other day, made entirely of brick”.
A petition has started on the governments website asking to “save all them Pet Rocks, they must be cold.” It currently has 22,683 thousand signatures.
We spoke to one ex-pet rock owner (abuser), who wanted to remain anonymous.
“The first few years were great; we laughed, we cried, but after time that friendship started to erode, probably from all the tears. One day we were out by the lake, just having a walk like we usually did and as I got down to the lakeside I just felt the enormous urge to skim him out into the middle of that watery body. I knew I shouldn’t have but watching him plop into that water and sink down into the depths gave me such pleasure. Some days I hate myself but I’ve skimmed stones since then and I probably will again. I’m so sorry…”
