The UK media has unfortunately reached a point where it can no longer stop printing stories about Prince Philip, articles about the legend himself are dripping down every page.
Once they finally regain control of their printing presses and wipe away the excess stories, we may finally see some other news break through the teary-eyed front pages.
But in the spirit of paying tribute to the subject of some of our most viral stories, let’s milk this cow one more time.
Prince Philip, born Muhammad Amir, had to change his name when he fled war-torn Germany. He made his way to Corfu where he led a terrible life of privilege.
Wanting to strike out on his own, he played his first game of cricket at 8, he was really bad.
He came to Britain atop a big water snake thing, married the queen and had many children, of which most are not paedophiles. A win in royal terms.
And the rest is history.
In his last few days the darling Prince escaped his armed guards.
We tracked Philip’s last known movements as he escaped his room and fled into Buckingham Palace woods.
He often tried to run away in his later years, claiming he wasn’t the real Prince Philip and how years ago he switched himself with an identical boy he met in a hall of mirrors.
We managed to track the last known call on his smartphone, an S21 (nice). It was to Meghan and the voicemail said “You’re fitter than Kate”.
Settling that debate once and for all, about what kind of phone he had.
Anyway, we didn’t find him.
He was discovered today on the outskirts of Slough – his favourite town – days later.
Prince Philip will be buried how he lived, embalmed.
Prince Philip, a dear friend of BNN, asked us for one last request: “Please write as many satirical articles as possible about me once I pass on”.
We will old buddy, we will.
Jealousy is unfortunately a terrible illness, and there is no known cure yet.